u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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