End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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