3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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