Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
