Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
