SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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