How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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