my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize