Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
