My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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