Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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