he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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