I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
