Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
