Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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