Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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