the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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