You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
