she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
