So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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