I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
