I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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