Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
