i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
