so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
