Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
