you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize