Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Panties = found
Randomize
