the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
