It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
