Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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