I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
