My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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