official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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