i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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