He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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