so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
