I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
