Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
