i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ambien. No doubt about it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
