dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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