You're completely useless in the revolution.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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