Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
