This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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