Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
