Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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