I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
