I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
