I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
