Can i not drive my cunt home
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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