I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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