I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
