I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
