My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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