You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
