I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
