No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
