Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize