just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
