so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
