I'm lost and stupid without you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize