My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That reminds me...we need to get swords
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
