If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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