She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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