Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
