walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
