There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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