Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i drank out of a bidet.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
