Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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