if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
