I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
