Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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