Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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