in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
