I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
