As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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