So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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