i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
