When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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