My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
