C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
