we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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