Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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