I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
