Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize