I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
