Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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