I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
