The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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