We named our party play list daddy issues
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hippo gnu deer
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize