his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
