dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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