i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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