I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My vagina just clenched in fear
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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