How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
