Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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