I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
