So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
