Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
