Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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