How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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