I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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