hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
