woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Pooping to opera.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
