i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think my moral compass just broke
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
