dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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