We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
