Cold hands, warm shart.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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