Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
