your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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