I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
