How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
