We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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